New Old Spice commercial reveals inner biker

In this new commercial a tubby dude in a locker room with some other, ahem, “normal” guys. He takes a whiff of “Swagger” scented Old Spice. His facade cracks away to reveal a ruggedly handsome biker. The rest  of the locker room transforms, insert hot bade and grizzly bear in a side car.

Pee Wee writes:
“Yep, I went to South Dakota. (Road trip! Great idea for a movie, by the way…) Get ready for some more name dropping. At the Buffalo Chip were: ZZ Top, Buckcherry, The Guess Who, Bob Dylan and television’s ‘Renegade’ — Lorenzo Lamas. I got a new chopper, burned rubber with about 500,000 fellow bikers and ate the legendary donut burger — the most delicious thing on the planet, and I hear it’s totally good for you too. I met a cowboy named Cork and had beautiful women crawling all over me– I have that effect on beautiful women. BBW — any, and all women. I weighed-in remotely to the Tonight Show (doesn’t everybody these days?!) and I got a tattoo. Didn’t hurt at all. I brought some friends from Funny or Die to record my personal video diary or VLOG, if you will. I love internet lingo!!

Enjoy my journey, okay? I’m changed since I came back from South Dakota. I understand stuff I didn’t understand before.”

Looks like Pee Wee at Sturgis was a heap-load of fun. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.

Wow, this commercial just screams the late 70′s! You gotta love the music…

Oh, and if you’re wondering who the H is Erin Gray? She was Wilma in Buck Rogers and the 25th Century and Kate in Silver Spoons. I guess you’d only know those shows if you grew up in the 80′s…

Buck Rogers and the 25th Century

Silver Spoons

That being said, if you know of some other kooky, concept-type motorcycles: share with the group!

Predator Motorcycle

Predator motorcycle

Are you a tough guy that likes intimidating people just by passing close to them along the highway? Then, this awesome and scary skull-covered design is just the right one for you! The Predator motorcycle was made as a commission, by Pitstop Motors, a custom bike shop in New Jersey. (Link)

Jaguar Motorcycle

Jaguar concept bike

This cool Jaguar “leaper” cat logo concept bike was created by Barend Massow Hemmes of Massow Concept Cycles along with Polar cycles of Doncaster UK. Professional computer illustrators and even a sculptor contributed to get this truly unique final result. (Link)

World’s Tallest Rideable Motorcycle

Biggest rideable motorcycle

Do good things come in small packages? Not in this case! This massive motorcycle was built by Greg Dunham and is 6,500 pound heavy, 15 feet tall and 20 feet long. The huge design has entered the Guinness World Records, as the world’s tallest rideable motorcycle. It took 3 years to have it finished and its price is $300,000.

Suzuki Biplane (Motorcycle)

Suzuki Biplane concept motorcycle

This futuristic Biplane concept motorcycle was presented in 2007 by Suzuki in Tokyo. Due to the awesome aircraft-inspired design the rider is supposed to have the same feeling as being in an open-canopied biplane. (Link)

World’s Biggest Single-Cylinder Motorcycle

Biggest single cylinder motor on a motorcycle

This outrageous motorcycle was built by Franz Langer, a retired German engineer who had his name written in the Guinness Book of Records for building the biggest single cylinder motor on a motorcycle. (Link)

Flying Motorcycle

Flying motorcycle

If you are a thrill seeker, you will love this one! A flying bike called the Super Sky Cycle, created by former test pilot Larry Neal of Boyd. This original machine can go as fast as 70 mph in the air and 60 mph on the road. The price? About $ 25,000! (Link)

F15 Fighter Jet Motorcycle

Fighter jet motorcycle

This oddity is actually an Honda Goldwing motorcycle that has been modified to look like a mini F15 Fighter Jet! Who would have thought?

Uno Motorcycle

Uno cycle

Wait a minute… isn’t one of the wheels supposed to be in front of the other? Not when we talk about The Uno. This orange and grey colored machine made its first appearance in the 2008 NationalMotorcycle Show in Toronto. It was invented by 18-year-old Ben J. Poss Gulak, who also gave the unique motorcycle certain interesting features, like running on electricity and being controlled by body language. (Link)

World’s First Motorcycle

This one’s really a collection piece. The First Motorcycle was created in 1885 in Stuttgart, Germany. It was designed and built by the German inventors Gottlieb Daimler and Wilhelm Maybach. The invention was also the first petroleum-powered vehicle. (Link)

Electric Motorcycle

OCC's electric motorcycle

Take a look at The Smart Chopper, an awesome electric motorcycle presented a few months ago by Siemens. It is charged in 5 hours when plugged into any 110-volt socket but this could be reduced to even one hour when plugged into a higher-voltage station, according to Siemens.The Smart Chopper has a countrywide tour scheduled for next year, in order to promote sustainable and green technology. (Link)

Shoe Motorcycle

Marshall's shoe motorcycle

Now, this is an original one! The orange shoe motorcycle was spotted by Dale Murray around Chicago downtown. The unusual machine was promoting a shoe sale at Marshalls. (Link)

Cartoon Motorcycle

Rat Fink "cartoon" motorcycle

Are you the kind of person that wants all the attention on you? Well, you would love a ride on this one! This crazy cartoon-inspired motorcycle took part in a Motorcycle Rally. The event, that gathers motorcycle enthusiasts from around the world, presents the weirdest of motorbike designs once a year in Sturgis, South Dakota. (Link)

Finding inspiring things to post about has been downright impossible when all I want to do is sack out on the sofa and watch crime shows all day long. Then it occurred to me. Cake. Cake would make me happy.

With recent television shows like Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss, the mainstream populace has been exposed to the possibilities of incredibly designed and executed confectionery delights. And it’s shows like this that make everyone realize they don’t have to settle on a boring sheet cake with over-sugary flowers to mark a special occasion. More and more people are feeling the creativity when it comes to their birthday | wedding | groom’s cakes.

I recently found some awesome example of cake artistry when I came across these Star Trek cakes and this Nightmare Before Christmas cake, which got me wondering if I could find some good examples of motorcycle cakes.

And so I say, these cakes give a new meaning to “Eat my dust!” (**groan**)

These are only a few photos of some really fun motorcycle themed cakes. Do you have an example of a cool motorcycle themed cake? Share with the rest of the class!

William Shatner has had a major resurgence in the past few years thanks to those great Priceline commercials and a good run on Boston Legal. But, of course, with a reboot of the  Star Trek franchise in theaters this week, die hards will always remember him lovingly as the OG Captain Kirk.

Here is a great story where The Shat reminiscences about his younger days joy riding on his neighbor’s “borrowed” motorcycle.

So, I thought I would take my gift of “free time” to kind of slow down and catch up with my bloggy life.  I do have a few little bits and nuggets of news to share.

This is hardly new news but the winners of the Harley-Davidson Bikes, Camera, Action! video contest were announced earlier this week. I have to give these ladies credit for taking the time to make these great videos. I think a video contest is a lot to ask of the general public and these ladies rose to the occasion. Congrats to them!

Here are the top three:
Her Need for Speed
Girls Night Out
Here Come the Bride

In additional Harley-Davidson news, it’s been announced that registration for the 2009 Women’s Experience ride in Daytona is now open. The second annual MDA ride will take place on March 3rd and only the first 500 women to register will be eligible to take part in the event. Last year they raised $60K from the event. Here’s hoping they beat that amount this year since it’s for such a good cause.

Here’s a bit of Sons of Anarchy news from writer, producer Kurt Sutter’s blog SutterInk:
“Based on final ratings, FX’s critically acclaimed freshman drama series Sons of Anarchy has proven itself to be a worthy successor to the network’s award-winning drama series The Shield, which completed its historic seven season run last month.

With the Live +7 ratings factored in from Nielsen Media Research on a multi-telecast basis, Sons of Anarchy delivered a weekly average audience of 5.83 million total viewers (jumping 16% vs. the Live numbers) and 3.9 million Adults 18-49 (up 18% vs. the Live numbers), the highest ratings of any new series on FX since the network’s hit series Rescue Me, which debuted in 2004. On a first-run basis the series averaged 2.6 million total viewers and 1.75 million Adults 18-49.

For calendar-year 2008 on a first-run basis, Sons significantly surpassed new and returning basic cable shows on delivery of Adults 18-49 including Saving Grace (1.59 million), Battlestar Galactica (1.58 million), Eureka (1.42 million), Raising the Bar (1.37 million), The Cleaner (1.11 million), Mad Men (879,000) and Breaking Bad (821,000).

Sons of Anarchy showed incredible consistency on a week-to-week basis and actually saw audience growth over the final two episodes, hitting its peak with the season finale (episode 13), which delivered 3 million total viewers on its first run. The second-to-last episode (episode 12) delivered the most Adults 18-49 (2.04 million) in the series entire run. The series premiered on 9/3/08 to 2.87 million total viewers and 1.73 million Adults 18-49.

FX has picked up a second season of Sons of Anarchy, slated to begin in Spring 09.” Not too shabby! There’s also another interesting post going back a few weeks about the new defunct HBO project 1% that got HBO in all that legal hot water with the notorious Sonny Barger.

Recently I’ve joined the collective of microbloggers and have been tweeting away! If you’re on Twitter, aspire to get on Twitter to see what it’s all about, you can find me @rippinkitten. A bunch of my fellow blogger tweeps are there as well as some new friends. Come say hi!

I know that we all read a ton of motorcycle blogs of different form and fashion but I’d like to take a minute to plug a new blog written by my friend: ArtBiker World: Art, Bikes, Bikers, Culture. I’ve known ArtBiker, aka Matt Linton, for over 10 years when he used to live here in Boston. He now resides in Houston, TX with his family and is one dude who lives and breathes motorcycles and the biker culture. Oh yeah, and he’s one hell of a photographer, too. His blog went live only a few short months ago and it is a great read. Go show him some love!

Now I’m going to make some hot chocolate and watch those flakes start to fall.

While I do not condone drinking and riding (or drinking while riding)-there is nothing like a really cold beer after a LONG day of riding in hot summer weather.

Swearing, on the other hand, is an activity to be enjoyed on your motorcycle, off of your motorcycle, in the shower, while eating breakfast…

[*grin*]

This is a commercial for Bud Light that just won an Emmy, despite the fact that it has never been aired on television. It has been viewed over 12 million times and won the Emmy for Outstanding Commercial.

My favorite line: “Will the owner of a white station wagon please go f*ck yourself.”

Their popularity parlayed itself into the creation of a great marketing site ( http://cavemanscrib.com ) where you can tour the Caveman’s home (as well as flip through his photo album, watch the videos on his cell phone and many other easter eggs). It’s a great place to waste some time if you’re bored!

But like all good things, it appeared that people were getting a little sick of the Cavemen and gravitating to the cute lil gecko instead (did you see the picture of the gecko pinned on the dart board in the Party Out of Bounds section?).

Despite the failed attempt at their own tv show “Caveman’s Cribs” (which aired on ABC last fall to dismal reviews and viewers), the Geico Cavemen have recently made a fierce comeback in a new commercial for Geico’s motorcycle insurance.

One of the first videos I posted was from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It was the scene after “Tequila” and the Big Shoe Dance and Pee Wee finally won all of the bikers over. Also to my surprise, in this past year I’ve never posted the actual “Tequila” scene. Until now!

Some people love Pee Wee, some hate him–I still love him!

Bikers Bare All, for a Good Cause

article by Olivia Wiznitzer
source:Forward.com

Ken Shapiro has two loves: animals and motorcycles. His new calendar, “Kitty Porn,” combines both. The Maryland native, who founded the Jewish motorcycle group Semites on Bikes, was so disturbed by the actions of Michael Vick — the NFL quarterback who was sentenced to 23 months in prison for his involvement in a dog-fighting ring — that he felt he had to take action, albeit it in a rather unusual way.

Ken Shapiro- as he appears in the calendar “Kitty Porn.”

Shapiro rounded up 11 brave volunteers from Semites on Bikes to pose in “Kitty Porn,” which will be used to raise money for the cat house of the Humane Society of Baltimore County, an animal shelter. The calendar features male models who pose nude on bikes, with cats strategically placed for the sake of modesty.

Inspired by the films “The Full Monty” and “Calendar Girls,” Shapiro, a retired kindergarten teacher, was determined to turn comedy into reality. “I thought it would sell,” Shapiro said. “The club itself has 70 members, so then with friends, family members, I figured we might sell a hundred of them, and that was low.”

They’ve presold 100 calendars so far, and Shapiro anticipates selling 1,000.

At first, Shapiro specifically wanted to help dogs. He approached Tom Dudley, who is a member of Semites on Bikes and also the president of the humane society’s board, only to find that it was not dogs that are in need of help but rather cats, which are currently situated in deplorable living conditions at the shelter.

Warming to the idea, Shapiro recruited his volunteers, all of whom are male. He requested that each man send him a picture of himself that fulfilled three specific criteria: They had to incorporate a bike and a cat, and pose nude.

“Kitty Porn,” which costs $22.95 (RK: this includes shipping-I think), contains everything from a man who “looks like Adonis” posing in the woods to a 74-year-old male who posing in front of his fireplace, holding up the wheel of his bike.

The amateur nature of the photographs adds to the appeal, Shapiro said. “These aren’t models — it’s a grass-roots effort.” (From another article) Despite the “out of shape” disclaimer, Shapiro, 55, looks pretty fit.

“One of the guys actually spent six months working out, tanning,” Shapiro said. “When he took his shot, he went out in the woods or something. He had his girlfriend him spray him with PAM. It’s the only shot that looks like it doesn’t belong there. It looks like the cover of Blueboy magazine or Playgirl.”

But that guy, Mr. July, and Shapiro, Mr. January, seem to be exceptions.

“Wait till you see August,” Shapiro said. “We have one guy who’s 389 pounds.”

The response has been overwhelmingly positive. From collegiate cat-lovers to a man who would like a copy of the calendar in time for his wife’s birthday, Shapiro has been flooded with e-mails.

Shapiro maintains that it’s simple, really: “Send us lots of money so we can rebuild the cat house!”

————————————————————————————————————–

If you’re interested in buying a calendar to help the kittehs you can send an email to sobikes@verizon.net to pre-order your calendar today. Proceeds go to the Humane Society of Baltimore.

The goal of the Cat House Project is to raise $30,000 to provide new, safer, and more spacious living quarters for the shelter cats while they await adoption. If you want to donate directly call 410-833-8848, ext. 202, or mail a check to the Humane Society of Baltimore County, Attn: Cat House Project.

In the meantime, I found an interesting video clip from Daytona 2008, featuring an interesting trio hanging out together.

If you watch UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) then that scary, yet handsome bald fellow should be no stranger to you: that’s the “Dean of Mean” Keith Jardine, riding his 2008 HD Crossbones. The other guy, who is the comic relief, is BMX-er Michah Kranz. The hot blonde is Jes Rickleff, who was the “winner” (if you can call that winning?) of season one of Rock of Love with Brett Michaels.

It seems like yet another example of Harley-Davidson trying to engage a younger demographic. Hey, it got me to watch!

Good thing there wasn’t anything red, shiny and candy-like. I’d be all done then!

“You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you’re nuts.”
-Austin Powers, Goldmember

I noticed the impact of this trend fully for the first time last summer when I went to bike week in Laconia, NH. Many of the vendors present had large displays of them in all colors of the rainblow, I mean, rainbow. Most common are chrome, gold, brass, pink and most notably, blue. Are they funny? Sure. And they’re also a whole lotta trashy!

If you haven’t seen these before or are curious to peruse the vast variety of nuts out there, allthenutz.com is the online place for you to start. They’re very serious about their nuts. And I love their videos!

But what makes someone put a set of balls on their motorcycle? What statement are they making with a big set dangling off the back? Is it just be a wise-guy? Is it to show off the power and prowess of their fine, steel machine?

“I’m upper, upper class high society
God’s gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
All the social papers say I’ve got the biggest balls of all

CHORUS
I’ve got big balls
I’ve got big balls
And they’re such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he’s got big balls,
And she’s got big balls,
But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all…”

“Big Balls”-AC/DC

Apparently a lot of women buy these for their vehicles as well. The pink ones are especially hot, although I’ve never seen any of these on a ladies motorcycle (or car for that matter). Whether you like them or not, these things sell like hotcakes and someone somewhere is making serious jingle off of them. I’m glad I don’t have any kids yet that I have to explain these suckers to!

So what do you think? Trashy fun or distasteful humor?

The premise of the show is that Earl has done a lot of bad things in his life and after winning the lottery & then getting hit by a car, he has an epiphany and decides he has to cleanse his karma by righting the wrongs he’s done.

Last night’s show, Stole a Motorcycle, details a night that Earl and his brother, Randy, stole a motorcycle from the OCC guys shop (not a chopper, it was a crappy beater bike that looked like a Sportster) that someone left the keys in. Paul Sr. and Jr. did their typical arguing schtick and Mikey was the jokester who left the keys in the bike. Screen time was short and sweet.

(the videos are from nbc.com, so sorry if there’s ads in them)

The interesting thing is that OCC was also approached to create a My Name is Earl theme bike to be auctioned off for the Make a Wish foundation. If you watch the show, then you can understand how humorous the paint job and plaid shirt seat cover is.

The actors talk about the Teutels’ acting abilities and Paul Sr. talks about creating the charity bike:

If you can try watch the episode either in a re-run or somewhere online. I highly recommend it!

It’s kind of formulaic for a “metal” music video.

• Rock stars: check. (Introduction on the bullhorn by none other than Mr. Vince Neill, Sully from Godsmack and Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme in case you were wondering.)
• Cool motorcycles: check.
• A hip-looking crowd with some hot babes that have big boobs: check.

‘Nuff said. Throw up the horns and rock on with your bad selves!

Recently, Johnny Knoxville decided that he was going to attempt an Evel Keneval-style stunt by flipping a motorcycle backward in the air. Problem was, he didn’t really know what he was doing, let go of the bike mid-air which promptly landed on him-breaking the handlebar off in his crotch.

So today you guys get a 2-for-1:

Here’s a short and sweet clip of the crash itself (no sound).

Here’s a much longer clip of Johnny on the Jimmy Kimmel show discussing the accident, the actual accident shot from a different angle and imparting the joys of having a catheter.

I know, he’s an idiot.

One of my favorite streaming radio stations of late is Radio Nigel, a station that plays ’80′s music WITH ATTITUDE. Anyway, yesterday they played “Harley David” by the Bollock Brothers, which sounded somewhat familiar to me. Low and behold, I even found their video on youtube in all it’s hilarity.

Honestly, these guys don’t look like they would even know what to do with that motorcycle!

Be sure to watch next Sunday’s [RK: February 10 @ 9PM] episode of “Rock of Love” on VH1. Brett Michaels brings ten hot chicks, each one a potential Mrs. Michaels, into our workshop for their next challenge. Watch tensions rise as two teams race to get their Exile custom finished and fired first, all the while under the strict eyes of Russell and head mechanic Random. The finished chop then takes pride of place in the Rock of Love mansion for the whole season.

Check out VH1.com for more information or to satisfy your gnawing curiosity about Rock of Love 2: A Ride on the Wild Side.

Today’s video Tuesday is not motorcycle inspired at all, but the opening scene from one of my all-time favorite Christmas specials: Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special!

I’ve decided to take a bit of a break and I will be back online after the New Year! See ya in 2008!

My bros were all nestled down snug in their beds,
While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.
And I in my do-rag, bike jacket and boots
Out shoveling snow and dreaming of scoots.

Then from the horizon there came such a clatter
My shovel I dropped, what could be the matter?
Away up the hill, I slogged through the snow
Looked up at the sky; where’d all that noise go?

Then a throb from the heavens, like straight pipes so hearty
Gave summer’s good thoughts, a loud bikers’ party.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a Hog Ultra Classic-red trailer in rear!

With a little old rider, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than a V-Rod his Ultra came on,
And he whistled and shouted and sang out this song;

“Now, Springer! Now, Dyna! On Ultra and Softail!
Now Vulcan! Now Injun! On Vict’ry and Triumph!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now RIDE away! RIDE away! RIDE away all!”

As small bikes that from the semis do fly,
When they meet with the air blast, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top that Ultra it flew.
With a trailer of goodies, and ole’ St. Nick, too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The rumble and thunder of pipes that gave proof.
I ran in the house, boots thumping around.
And in came St. Nick, all bearded and round.

Dressed all in black leather, from do-rag to boot
His chaps were all tarnished with road grime and soot.
A t-bag of goodies he’d flung on his back
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His shades – how they twinkled! His do-rag; how scary!
With chains intertwined through skulls that were cherry!
His droll little mouth had done many a row,
So the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
The smoke had a strange smell; it gave him relief.
He had a broad face and a large fat beer belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was tattooed and plump, a right jolly old rider,
So I offered a cold brew, thought what could be righter?
A wink of his eye as he downed that cold beer,
Gave me to know I had nothing to fear.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to my ride
And fixed it with Chrome, Horsepower and Pride.
And giving the peace sign with bikers’ good cheer
Strode off to his Ultra rumbling near.

He sprang on the saddle, his gloves on the bars
A wheelie he threw; then off towards the stars.
I heard him exclaim, as my chest swelled with pride,
“Merry CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD RIDE!”

Whatever my feelings are about Harley-Davidson (they’re sweet, but too expensive and breeds snobby riders) their advertising is always incredible, whether serious or humorous. This one is the latter.

click image to view larger if you’d like

Today I am serving up another commercial that made me chuckle (I can’t help it I work in the industry). It’s male focused, unlike the previous one, but I’m guessing that over 90% of Big Dog sales are to men.

If ye would also like t’ talk like a seafarin’ hearty go to this site.

I just knew it.

But on every motorcycle site or forum I went to everyone kept saying that they saw it and liked it. And it was one of the top movies when it came out. So, I added it to my Netflix queue and watched it this past weekend. Now, clearly I am not the demographic for this movie. I’m not a middle-aged man with a mid-life crisis. But 10 minutes into the movie I was already groaning, loudly, at how bad it was. And I couldn’t believe all of the actors that were in this piece of crap, who had shown promise back in their hey-day: Ray Liotta, Marisa Tomei, Jill Hennessy and…Peter Fonda?

I somehow stuck it out until the end, and I’m glad I did because the bits playing with the end credits were the best part of this crappy flick. Usually the bloopers are funnier than the movie, so here they are for your viewing pleasure. Unfortunately, they’re only mildly funny.

Well, apparently I wasn’t the only one: Cyril Huze beat me to it and posted the same video on his blog a few days ago! Oh well, those are the hazards of blogging in a niche. I guess great minds really do think alike…

Enjoy!

I am not a frequent viewer of the Food Network. I have caught a few shows here and there and am familiar with who Alton Brown is. I have seen his other show Good Eats before.

So, while scrolling through the cable program guide the other night I saw the listing for Feasting on Asphalt and with my trusty DVR I recorded a few shows. I’m really glad that I did.

The premise of the show has Alton and crew road-tripping on motorcycles (BMWs, no less) across the country to find and highlight the places and history behind American “road food.” They avoid highways at all costs, pledging to ride the forgotten back roads to find the dwindling, one of a kind roadside eats. Alton Brown an enigmatic and well-educated food-geek, the show itself is an interesting blend of road-tripping, history and mouth watering food!

From foodnetwork.com:

“Feasting On Asphalt merges a little Easy Rider with good eats and great tales from our road food’s past and present, while preserving the map for its future.”

Season one had them riding across the south from S. Carolina all the way to Los Angeles. For the recently kicked-off season 2, they head up the great Mississippi from the Gulf of Mexico up to Minnesota.

I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps

• A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.
• Motorcycles never develop spare tires.
• Motorcycles last longer.
• Motorcycles don’t get you pregnant.
• A motorcycle doesn’t care what time of month it is.
• Motorcycles don’t have parents.
• Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.
• You don’t have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.
• Your motorcycle won’t judge your friends.
• If your motorcycle is loud, you can buy a muffler.
• You won’t have to put your motorcycle through grad school.
• If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.
• Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.
• When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.
• Your motorcycle won’t ogle other motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle won’t care if you have a poster of your fantasy
  motorcycle.
• If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
• Motorcycles don’t care about breast size.
• If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks.
• If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics to correct it.
• You don’t have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.
• You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.
• You don’t have to go to Tiffany’s to register your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle won’t beat you or try to make you feel inferior.
• You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won’t get limp.
• Your parents won’t keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.
• Motorcycles don’t insult you if you are a novice.
• Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.
• Motorcycles don’t make you late.
• You don’t have to primp before riding your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle won’t complain when you use protection.
• If your motorcycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
• You can’t get a disease from a motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle won’t care if you fake it.
• Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.
• Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.
• Your motorcycle doesn’t have to show off in front of other motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle won’t lie to you.
• Your motorcycle doesn’t care how heavy you are.
• In the morning, your motorcycle won’t poke you in the back when it wants to go for a ride.
• You can turn the petcock off.
• Your motorcycle won’t shrink when it’s cold.
• If your motorcycle can’t fire up, you can just replace the battery.
• You don’t have to cook for your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle can’t ride around behind your back.
• If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.
• Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you can just get a new one.
• You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports.
• Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.
• Motorcycles don’t need pick-up lines.
• You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.
• Your motorcycle won’t go for rides by itself.
• If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires.
• Motorcycles don’t snore.

• You have your own bike?
• Your rode your own? (I heard this one a lot when I did the 900+ miles from Boston to Myrtle Beach)
• Your man lets you ride? (could it be more insulting?)
• Isn’t that bike too big for you? Don’t you want something smaller?
• Can I ride bitch? (usually from some wise-ass guy)
• Are you a lesbian/dyke/femi-nazi? (um, no-and that’s not nice)
• You’re too good at parking that thing. If I didn’t just see you do it, I’d never have believed you parked it yourself. Now at first I found that comment a bit insulting, until…I witnessed many women at a bike rally having their husbands or boyfriends park their bikes FOR them in a tight spot! Puleeze, girls!
• Will you show me your tits? um, you…absolutely not.
• Good for you! -or- Go Girl!
• Damn, you’re HOTT! -or- That is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. (these are favorites, of course! ha ha!)
  

Ladies, want to share some you have heard?

“I’m your turbo lover, better run for cover!”

“Hell on wheels, heaven on earth that’s us. Isn’t that right Mama? That’s right daddy…“

Well, I just found Silly Helmet Covers, which are latex rubber covers that fit over half helmets. I suppose these things are fun if you’re walking (or riding) around at a rally or just a plain old goofball…

Do I make you horny, baby?

All you would need is some shin guards and a battle ax and you could ride down the streets looking like you’re friends with GWAR. (GWAR rules! I met them 10 years ago-Oderus wanted to kill my family and make me his slave…)

Full-face helmet wearers feeling left out? No worries, SkullSkins for you! Made of machine-washable fabric and they come in a verirable plethora of designs to choose from!

Are you f*cking kidding me?!?! Sure, they’d be funny if you’re doing a Halloween ride or something, but honestly…